Parking Lots.
So I pull into a crowded parking lot and start driving down the isles looking for a place to park. Row after row, the cars are packed in, crooked and either sitting on the line or are over the line, invading someone elses spot. WTF is up with that? Can't anyone park their car staright and in their own spot anymore? Irritated, I circle around to the outside, ready to search the next isle for a spot, and way out here in the back of the parking lot is a nice BMW or something, parked across three spots. It was a nice car, not a super great, "wow look at that", kinda car, just a nice looking car, parked in a way so that nobody could door ding it. I thought about bumping a shopping cart to send it rolling at that a-holes pretentious ride. I start down the next isle which is a one way, and some inbreed piece of crap is driving up the wrong way, taking up the entire lane, and moving way too fast. She had huge eyes darting all over, as she freaked to find a spot to park her oversized SUV. I stopped in the middle of the lane and looked at her with a smirk of "I got you bitch". She pounded the brake, stopping her and her passengers with a rocking force that made bobble heads jealous of the whiplash she just administered to her family. She looked at me, frantic and panicked, OMG we are at a stale mate, whatever will we do next? I gave her, my disappointed in your ability to be human, look, and slowly backed up enough so she could squeeze her SUV and equally fat ass past me. I continued on, my girlfriend, Michelle, pointed at a spot near the front, two isles over and with a stressed voice, yelled, "There's one over there!!!". At the same time, someone was backing out of a spot in front of me. I smiled, stopped the car, and waited. Michelle became irritated, "Why didn't you just go, we could have had that spot up/over there?" I smiled some more and answered, "No thanks, Honey. I am not in the mood to race around a parking lot, trying to get the closest spot to the door like it's a trophy. Besides, I could use the extra six spot walk to the door." She started grinding her teeth and lit up a smoke. Me too. Ah, the lady in front of me, finally managed to exit her parking space with only two near misses of pedestrians. I pull into the spot and stop half way in... that fuckbag left her shopping cart in the spot, and when she left, it rolled to the middle of the spot. I get out, move the cart to the cart corrale, come back to the car, get in, park it, and continue smoking before going into the store. The car next to us leaves, and immediately the spot is filled. It is a lady in a compact car. She pulled in next to us, turned off the engine and immediately starts fixing her hair and touching up her makeup. ...WHY...? I don't get it. Listen lady, that makeup isn't doing you any good. You are still buttass ugly and no matter how much makeup you smear over that flappy skin covered skull of yours, it doesn't make you any prettier. She finishes with a nice nostril check, then opens her car door. She didn't just open the door, she threw it all the way open, or as far as it would go before slamming into the door of our little Blazer. She looks at us with a suprised look. I yell, "WTF lady? did you not see this vehicle sitting here when you pulled in? It's not like we just appeared here, and you look at me like you are suprised?". Michelle tells me to stop, I guess she apologized, but I didn't hear her over my mouth. We get out and start to walk to the store. I see a guy with one bag, bee line to his car, jump in, start it, hit reverse, and just like my sixth sense told me, backed out of the spot with no more than a glance. As he narrowly missed us, I contemplated killing him. I wonder if there should be a parking lot test added to the DMV in order to obtain a drivers license. That would be cool, it would cut traffic down by 50% because half the people driving can't park for shit. yeah, that would be cool.
I sure do hate parking lots.